On the Highway

The thing about this journey is that its unpredictable, its moment to moment, second to second, kind of like being on the road, one moment you could be speeding towards a green light and the next second its a red light, you can never be positive what’s going to happen next. I took some big steps today, most of them involving being on the road again. I drove myself into the city about 45 minutes away, knowing that I would have to drive myself back home later this evening. As the day progressed my physical well being began to spiral downwards, you see I was anticipating the drive home. Anxiety is a lot like driving, some days you feel like you are stuck in traffic, stopped, never moving, never progressing, and others you are speeding down an open road at 70mph, nothing in your way, nothing stopping you, thats how my day began. I woke up feeling awesome, I got Starbucks with my husband I took him to work and got on the road, but with every red light, or stop sign I began to feel trapped. It goes back on the moment to moment changing, the lights are green the traffic is light I am soaring, but the lights are red or I am stopped and I am spiraling downward. See for me a green light means that I can go, I don’t have to worry about being stuck somewhere or not being able to go I am moving, I am progressing. My mind recognizes the red lights, the traffic, as a symbol of how I have often felt in life, stuck, trapped, stopped, not progressing, being alive and breathing but not being able to move forward. So this evening getting into the car my symptoms were already fully pronounced, I had the floaters in my vision, the worms as I call them, my legs were beginning to shake, I was getting unbelievably dizzy, and I couldn’t focus on anything, I was feeling trapped, stuck, and I just wanted to be somewhere familiar with someone familiar. I had forgotten my water bottle, my comfort when my mouth gets dry and my head gets foggy but going through a drive-thru seemed near impossible at the time. I made it about halfway home and the dizziness overtook me, I had to pull off in a parking lot and I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to make it the rest of the way. I called Samuel as I was supposed to be picking him up soon to explain and he prayed over me before having to get back to work. I turned the radio on to the Christian station and started trying to center myself again. I found just an ounce of strength inside of me and reminded myself that with God all things were possible and began speaking aloud that God and I were driving home together and could conquer anything as long as I kept Him the center. The further I drove the more the enemy attacked, the radio started going fuzzy, the station was gone, and my phone case was blocking the headphone jack for me to be able to play worship off of it. I was mapping the way home in my head remembering each turn-out each road or parking lot I could find refuge in, and then I realized how fed up I was with the enemy. I sat up straighter in my seat and yelled out for him to get away from me and kept going. I had timed my drive out to miss the traffic on the one lane road into town, but tonight of course it was backed up much further that it ever should be at the time I was coming through; I started to panic again, I was so close to home, to a safe place, but I had to remember that God isn’t going to bring me anything I can’t handle and to rejoice at my obstacles because often they are treasures he has brought me to help break off these earthly shackles. I reminded myself I wasn’t stuck that even though it was slow, I was progressing, and I would eventually be at a destination I wanted to be at; just like through this journey. Some days I feel stuck, and I am moving slow, but I’m never not moving forward, I am always one step closer to that eventual place of complete freedom. Even if some days I take a step or two back, I am learning how to overcome the situation better for the next time I go out and conquer it. So today I started out on the open road, I got stuck in a traffic jam that seemed impossible to get out of, and I ended up back on the open road. It wasn’t an easy day and as I write this I am feeling all the aches and pains from tense muscles and the weakness from a racing heart and rushing adrenaline, but I am thankful for each of those feelings because they remind me that today I was victorious…

“But the Lord is faithful, and He will strengthen you and protect you from the evil one.”
2 Thessalonians 3:3

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2 thoughts on “On the Highway

  1. such an amazing story Marissa!! absolutely love it šŸ™‚ It’s a beautiful reminder that God is always with us and He is always faithful to bring us to the other side of any trial. Each difficult event is nothing less than an opportunity to grow in our walk with God and become that much closer to our amazing creator šŸ™‚

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